Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I'm not really one for letting my emotions known. Events that come my way, no matter how small or large they appear, are always covered up by my 'i'm good as gold' smile.
In fact i can only think of a couple of funerals where I've shed a tear. Although someone did mention recently (i can't remember if it was in person, on twitter, or a bloke on the telly so apologies for not crediting it) that if I put a sad film on with made up characters and made up situations and I'll bawl like a baby. Perhaps it's my way of letting go.
It's not often I'm angry either. Moody sometimes granted (just ask Heidi) but rarely angry. The past couple of weeks things have been brewing up and at the weekend it came to pass that that pressure cooker boiled over.
A set of circumstances at both work and home (neither of which are important to the story, or fair to those involved) culminated in a distinctly black mood and a lot of stomping and door slamming.
Saturday, Charlton made the relatively short trip to Stevenage. I kind of fancied this one and i knew a lot of friends were going so i was a little disappointed when i couldn't get the time off work. I did however manage to get out just before kick off. This of course meant i could listen on-line to the commentary. Except i couldn't because people needed the computer for other more important uses. In the great scheme of it's a small small thing but at the time it was the perfect catalyst.
I decided a fast motorcycle ride to a far off pub the best medicine for a comforting glass of ale. So whilst the Addicks were being taught a little lesson in Hertfordshire, i was sticking like glue to the speed limits of the country lanes of Surrey. Well, cheap glue.
And it helped a little. Heidi came with me and to be honest, just to get a chance to talk to her outside the flat and it's distractions helped a lot more.
So i came home, feeling a tad happier, to the news Charlton had been beaten for the first time this season but it really didn't matter. You see, we came home to other news as well.
A friend of ours is finally pregnant after a few miscarriages. There is however a 'but'. At thirty three weeks they have discovered there are problems with the baby and offered her a termination.
Now accepting this was never on the cards for them both. It appears that two of the chromosomes aren't formed correctly (or something like this) and the baby is disabled in some way. Mentally not physically.
Our prayers are obviously with this couple and no matter how this baby is when he/she is born, they are going to be loved beyond measure.
With such a sobering thought on my mind, i went into prepping for Sunday school kids ministry for the following morning. I got out the rota and the topic, thankfulness! (Numbers 11 4-35 in case you are interested)
The kids always make me laugh and smile no matter how I'm feeling and this Sunday was no exception. We chatted about what we have, what we want and what we need. They are sometimes a lot more compassionate and thoughtful than me. I'm sure they teach me a lot more than i teach them!
Last night, being Tuesday, it was our church home group meeting. An evening with wonderful friends guaranteed, the discussion was based around 2 Corinthians chapter 4. A constant everyday battle with what are small matters in the bigger picture. I don't choose the subjects honest!
Somebody wants me to realise this for sure and are working on my case.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4,17.
There will be countless problems in the future, that is a given fact, and i will more than likely struggle again to make sense of them. I do however have scripture to keep close to hand and a delightful insight into something far greater than this.
So I've pulled myself together and realised these little problems are small and temporary. My glass is half full, not half empty. Actually that's not strictly true. My glass is full and overflowing!